GENTLE ALIGNMENT. Those were the 2 words I chose to guide me for 2018. Already at the end of 2017 I could feel that I was drained, something needed to shift and I needed to make some changes to be more aligned with my true self. The reality was I had no idea how much I had drifted nor how to get aligned again.
This year turned out to be full of exhaustion, frustration and deep questioning. Many tears were cried, hundreds of pages were filled in my journals to try and process my conflicting emotions, to feel them and get through to the other side of the dark woods.
I was reflecting with a friend recently about my words of the year and I mentioned how I felt like it hadn’t really been GENTLE at all. To which she rightly pointed out, that if I hadn’t added the word GENTLE it would possibly have been even more brutal.
The flip side of the coin was that being burnt-out meant I had to surrender, to let go, to rest. It was a powerful lesson in giving up my usual ways of reacting. I have to learn a new, more sustainable way of looking out for myself and my boundaries. Maybe the word GENTLE refers more to how I should focus on treating myself in the midst of this confusion as I try to get aligned again:)
Things I have learned the hard way:
- I need to stop pushing myself. The overachiever in me has helped me get this far but when I push myself out of alignment, too far from my values and deepest desires, it exhausts me and does not serve me in the long run
- I need to balance the parts inside me that want freedom and that want stability
- I need to look for what makes my heart sing and brings me joy, as these will give me energy
- I will practice saying my TRUTH more and experiment with daring to ask for what I need (this is going to be especially vital in the next months as I return to the office, build up my working hours again and figure out where to go from here)
Of course things are not so easy, it’s not like I will never make those mistakes again…. but hopefully I will be reminded of the lessons learnt in this period and slip less easily into misalignment.
Coming up soon, my words of the year for 2019 and why I chose them!