On setting boundaries

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JOYFUL GRATITUDE #152

Today want to express gratitude to the Universe for kindly giving me plenty of opportunities lately to practice setting my boundaries.  I often wish it was a one time thing, that you just set your boundaries once and for all, and then they were there, stable and protective forever.

However it is not so, and I keep realising that I have to figure out my boundaries anew.  Which makes sense of course, because I am constantly learning and evolving, what I may once have accepted no longer feels OK or that the ‘should’ that pressured me in the past is clearly not my monkey to take.

Setting boundaries is hard for me as a people pleaser. Speaking up about what doesn’t work for me is a weak set of muscles that need to be trained, over and over again.  I would love to say that with all this practice I’ve got it figured out, but I keep on struggling to hear the truth my intuition whispers to me, amongst the noise of ‘I should’ and ‘might be cool’. Actually, I don’t want ‘cool’ and if I find that I’m trying to convince myself to do something, I realise I’m pushing my boundaries and I am the only person who can respect them for me.

When I set my boundaries it is far from elegant, I find it scary to put my needs out there, not knowing how people will react.  But regardless of the way my message is delivered, it does feel empowering when I identify my boundaries and stick up for myself.  I have to keep reminding myself the short-term effort is worth it for my future self.

Self-care checklist

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A simple checklist to remind me of the basics today, and every day:

  • Breathe.
  • Take a few minutes to check in with yourself.
  • Loosen your jaw. Puff up your cheeks like a blowfish.
  • Listen to your body (Are you thirsty? Do you need to pee? Do you need to stretch? Do those things now)
  • Remember everyone struggles with the same questions and fears. You are not alone.
  • Take your eyes away from the screen, look out the window for a few minutes (really LOOK out the window. What do you see?)
  • Be gentle to yourself (What would you say to your little sister if she were in this situation? Say it to yourself.).
  • Put things into perspective (Will this be of any importance whatsoever in a month or a year’s time?).
  • Be ok with not feeling ok. Emotions come and go like waves.
  • Go for a breather or a quick walk outside.
  • Remember: you are enough.
  • Breathe.

What do you have on your list?